Jokes do not write themselves

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Jokes do not write themselves

February 17, 2015

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two buddhists walked into a bar

while at the same time a bear

took a shit in the woods

the pope just smiled

***

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I never said I was fair

The Thugs on the Plane With This and That

The Thugs on the Plane With This and That I went on the plane to visit the stars to fly high above the cantankerous cars but once aloft I happened to spy thugs in the darkness eating my apple pie Avast! ye thuggers! And avaunt too! I cried and I cried And I also boo-hoo’d. They paid me no heed nor did they stop with their eating America’s pie was taking a beating! I leapt to the aisle and called them to task Demons! I cried and drank from my flask Demons! I yelled but to no avail they paid me no heed I feared I had failed But hope springs eternal and for me a lot more I found deep within me a powerful core The pie is for freedom! The pie is for me! You can sell it on eBay for ten thousand and three! And that is the what of how I saved Jesus and Moses, and Epstein who so often teased us The thugs they did quiver and dared not respond but alas, it was clear the pie was all gone ***

I HAVE HAD IT WITH SOUTHERN TWANG*

I had C-SPAN 2 on the TV today Listening to crackers all crack away Talkin’ about some complicated immigration bill I wish they’d shut the fuck up and go take a pill One fella from Alabama, and two from Tennessee Another from Texas, the land of stupidity Before you get your panties tied up in a bunch Try and lose that accent before I lose my lunch (chorus) I have had it With southern twang It has lost its charm And lost its bang So if these crackers Would take a class They would stop getting on my nerves And giving me gas The last great accent from the white man’s south Belonged to Shelby Foote, from Shelby’s mouth But for the rest of you, I’m here to say You sound like ignorant motherfuckers in every way Now, just for fairness sake, and fairness fun Let’s have a day wherein everyone Talks like a southern fool with a southern accent Get yourself to hollerin’, then go get bent (chorus) I have had it With southern twang It has lost its charm And lost its bang So if these crackers Would t

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