Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Mormons! Mormons!

I wrote this song a few years ago--maybe six or seven...

JEWISH INJUN MIDGETS RIDING TAPIRS

Jewish injun midgets riding tapirs
Nephi and Moroni riding trains
Nightly we enjoy their mighty efforts
Come on down and see them on the plains

Kolob shines in distant golden showers
Underwear adjusted--ah--that's nice
When we get to Heaven pass the butter
Don't let God the Adam take your rice

(chorus)
Mormons! Mormons!
Sons of Perdition beware!
Mormons! Mormons!
Mormon, Mormons, Mormons everywhere!

Some say Joseph Smith he was a stoner
His visions caused by mushrooms that he ate
Abundant were the spores in fertile forests
Listen, it's just a thought, alright? Okay?

I would like to tell my Handmaid something
How the Word of God instructs me thus:
I am sorely needing younger wives now
We'll trade the Volvo in for a new bus

(chorus)
Mormons! Mormons!
Sons of Perdition beware!
Mormons! Mormons!
Mormon, Mormons, Mormons everywhere!

Some say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Never manifested here at all
All I need are Jewish Injun midgets
Riding tapirs forth to save us all!

One should never joke about religion
Or buried treasure found with a peepstone
Maybe Joseph Smith was spinning stories
He spun himself a Kingdom and a Throne

(chorus)
Mormons! Mormons!
Sons of Perdition beware!
Mormons! Mormons!
Mormon, Mormons, Mormons everywhere!

Jewish Injun midgets riding tapirs
Nephi and Moroni riding trains
Nightly we enjoy their mighty efforts
Come on down and see them on the plains

Kolob shines in distant golden showers
Underwear adjusted--ah--that's nice
When we get to Heaven pass the butter
Don't let God the Adam take your rice

(chorus)
Mormons! Mormons!
Sons of Perdition beware!
Mormons! Mormons!
Mormon, Mormons, Mormons everywhere!

***

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