Area Gopher Tired of Easter References
(Jivester News, Ltd.) Stating that he was "exhausted" by local wags and their endless references to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ in comparison to himself, area gopher Thaddeus "Tad" Kensington III has announced that his cave is not empty and that it "...can be plainly observed that I am alive and have not flown up into the sky to reign with the Father for eternity." Noting that Easter was especially difficult for him, he declared, "As a Christian rodent I take offence at the comparisons of me vis a vis the messiah. I was not crucified on Friday, only to be placed in this tomb and then "poof" gone on Sunday--only Jesus could ever do such a thing." He went on to note that his habitat wasn't a tomb at all, but was in fact a mid-century split level ranch.