According to someone at the Oakridge Assembly of God, if a non-believer calls the Lord, He who is the Alpha and Omega of Ultimate Reality will not answer the phone--He used to let it just ring and ring but now it goes straight to voice mail. Yes, God's got caller ID and He loves it, and can't for the life of Him figure out why He didn't embrace it sooner. When asked why an omniscient deity needs Caller ID to learn the identify of a given (atheist or not) individual, He stormed out (and I do mean stormed out) of the interview and went to go darken counsel at an indeterminate location. Okay, He went to a bar*.
A brief bit of background about Oakridge: it is a small logging town that didn't have a backup plan for when the logging industry began to lag, and has an undesirable combination of low median income, high unemployment and difficulty with Windows programming to the tune of $420,000 missing from the city coffers. Perhaps God would tell the good people of Oakridge where the money is, if only a true believer would call Him!
Remember: atheists don't know where the money went! Stupid atheists!
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*Two glasses of Pinot Noir are enough to get Him singing in Latin. Awful, really. Embarrassing and awful.
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