The Opinuary Column



The Opinion "Gay men and women should not enjoy the same constitutional rights as their (purportedly) straight counterparts" has died from complications arising from an attack of reason, wisdom, compassion and love. The Opinion, born in the Bronze Age and raised in the fevered minds of dutiful religious congregations, left this world surrounded by a host of frightened, hyperbolic, fear-based family and friends. It leaves behind a bunch of suckers, and more are born every minute.

No services will be held at this time while the family weighs its options and blames Satan for its loss. Thrice married Newt Gingrich reacted to the passing of the Opinion by spewing a steady stream of undigested horse dung that cascaded like a conservative rainbow across the crimson sky. Though a palpable stench has arisen from the rotting carcass of primitive discrimination that was Proposition 8, an autopsy by federal district Judge Vaughn R. Walker has revealed that the decedent had in fact an unremarkable chest cavity, save for the absence of its heart.

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god is love, satan lust
god above is what we trust
but god declines to take the stand
or on the bible place his hand
when the smoke at last is cleared
we are all equal, straight or queered


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