The Opinion "Rush Limbaugh would have been a multi-millionaire radio personality and de facto leader of conservatism in the United States had he not been white" has perished while vacationing in the mouth of an underage hooker in the Dominican Republic. It was a tiny death.
The Opinion, born during a full white-ass moon in Cracker County, Missouri, was raised primarily on a steady diet of pork rinds, draft deferments and unvarnished hatred of the real world. During the 1980s it learned that it could make poor white boys' peckers get hard if it talked in an incessantly truculent and churlish tone about "the other" without ever revealing the basic insight that we are all "the other" to someone. In its later years the Opinion relied more heavily on balls-out racism to excite the otherwise torpid and increasingly disenfranchised white male listeners that masturbated to the fuhrer's furor with harder strokes but less deliverance. Hey, we all get old or die or both, understand?
In lieu of flowers the family of the Opinion asks that you suspect everyone you meet of being where they are in life is a direct result of their skin color: a random homeless guy, the young woman pushing a stroller at the park, the EMT who is thumping on your chest and sweeping the back of your throat for stuck Cheetos, the gas station attendant, the clerk at the grocery store (where you bought the Cheetos), the postal office worker, the previous 43 election winners who made President of the United States (every single one was a sort of pasty, milkish hue, except that sun worshiping Catholic from Harvard).
We must now accept that everyone in life is where they are because of their skin color, and the porcine bloviator known as Rush Limbaugh is no exception. Had he been born black or brown or yellow he'd have to listen to some self-satisfied dung-tosser tell him why so-and-so has more money or women than he does, and why he shouldn't respect him or anyone else that is different from him. A brown or yellow or black Rush would have told such an insufferable demagogue to go fuck himself, if he had any self-respect, but it's possible that self-respect is no longer earned but merely purchased. Rush may be a whore but he is a very big whore, and when he rolls over you want to be out of his way. And you can bet when he's pushing up daisy's they will be white ones.
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The Opinuary Column appears most Fridays at Jesus' General.
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