Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Opinuary Column



The Opinion "You should listen to Glenn Beck, and do what he tells you to do!" has passed away while visiting relatives in Utah. Cause of death has been listed as terminal asphyxiation as a result of choking on a stick of white chalk. The Opinion was believed to be eight or nine years of age.

The Opinion's last public appearance was March 18th, when it reminded everyone who was willing to listen that Mr. Beck knows the mind of the metaphorical abstraction often referred to as the Lord and has the inside track on how fast Jesus was traveling when he blasted off from earth some 2,000 years ago.*

In lieu of flowers the family of the Opinion ask that you poke yourself in the eye until tears come out. Or smear VicksĀ® VapoRubĀ® ointment just above your cheekbones. Remember, if you can fake sincerity, you can pass for human!

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The Opinuary Column appears most Fridays at Jesus' General.

*Just after His resurrection, Jesus Christ was clocked at 183,000 miles per second, a World Redeemer record!

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