Top Ten Job Duties of Vice President

#10. Empty the ashtrays and fluff up the pillows.

#9. Acquire blood from one dozen virgins for Rupert Murdoch.

#8. Only pretend to kill the President, damn it!

#7. Squeal like a pig!

#6. Once a year, deliver toys to all the good boys and girls.

#5. Polish the brass with some pride, for crying out loud!

#4. Do things on the floor of the Senate that polite people will not discuss.

#3. Greet foreign dignitaries while high on stem cell crystals.

#3. Toga Captain!

#2. Keep Alaska from seceding from the Union.

#1. Tip the valet guy.

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