Ricky Gervais Explains the Old Testament

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Ricky Gervais Explains the Old Testament

October 06, 2008

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Well, the first few bits of it.

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I HAVE HAD IT WITH SOUTHERN TWANG*

I had C-SPAN 2 on the TV today Listening to crackers all crack away Talkin’ about some complicated immigration bill I wish they’d shut the fuck up and go take a pill One fella from Alabama, and two from Tennessee Another from Texas, the land of stupidity Before you get your panties tied up in a bunch Try and lose that accent before I lose my lunch (chorus) I have had it With southern twang It has lost its charm And lost its bang So if these crackers Would take a class They would stop getting on my nerves And giving me gas The last great accent from the white man’s south Belonged to Shelby Foote, from Shelby’s mouth But for the rest of you, I’m here to say You sound like ignorant motherfuckers in every way Now, just for fairness sake, and fairness fun Let’s have a day wherein everyone Talks like a southern fool with a southern accent Get yourself to hollerin’, then go get bent (chorus) I have had it With southern twang It has lost its charm And lost its bang So if these crackers Would t...

IT'S A PRETTY SWEET RIDE

Rainbow pop on a sunny day Cool grass, sitting in the shade Think I’ll lay down for awhile You gave me love, you gave me a smile Went for a drive in Griffith Park Life’s so easy when you don’t bark Children laughing as they ride It’s pretty sweet, it’s a pretty sweet ride (chorus) Can’t just wait for the bad days Can’t just wait for all the sad days too You have come to let me go Just want to let you know It’s okay Tell China that I love her And tell my folks I’m not afraid Think of me this winter And be brave Who wants to sing to me today? Who wants to come outside and play? Who will let me kiss them on the face? Why wait for heaven when heaven’s just another place? I know the lady has come To send me on my way I will fall asleep I will fall away Rainbow pop on a sunny day Cool grass, sitting in the shade Think I’ll lay down for awhile You gave me love, you gave me a smile Went for a drive in Griffith Park Life’s so easy when you don’t bark Children laughing as they ride It’s pretty s...

PAYING SOME ATTENTION TO LINDY

A man I know died a couple of months ago. I had bartended at his local watering hole off and on for more than a dozen years or so. He was 86 years of age when he passed, which holds a small irony as the expression “86” in bar language means “You’re out of here.” His name was Grant but everyone called him Lindy, and never did I see him do anything that would warrant his being 86’d from a bar. He was a talkative man, short in stature, unassuming, alone most of the time. Lindy volunteered to visit fellow veterans in nursing homes, and he went to VFW meetings downtown. He attended the occasional Dodger game with friends, had a yearly $10.00 football bet on USC to beat UCLA with a fellow regular, watched Laker games with interest on the bar television . Though an ex-smoker, he was known to sneak a drag or two now and then. Raised in Wyoming, Lindy flew planes and fought in World War II, moved to L.A. after the war, got married and divorced here in the usual order, and never mentione...

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