Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

White House Unveils "Scare America First" Campaign


New White House Stationery Unveiled at Press Conference

(Jivester's Scare the Holy Fucking Crap Out of You News) The White House announced today its plans to "frighten the pants off of everyone" during the two months leading up to the November elections. "This is not a partisan effort on our part," said Tony Snow, sporting his spooky Ari Fleischer mask before a nervous, edgy gaggle of White House reporters.

Tony Snow (Dressed to Kill as Ari Fleischer) talks to jittery Press Corps

"This is our way of showing the Terrorists just who is going to do the terrorizing in the United States," Snow added. "If we don't frighten Americans then the Terrorists will just see this as another example of our complacency, our inertia. Well, we won't let that happen. Boo!"

As part of the new Scare America First campaign, various members of the White House were trotted out for the cameras, each sporting a new Autumn Do.


Alberto Gonzalez Wows 'Em at Press Conference


Condileeza "I'll Do As I Pleeze-ya" Rice coiffed as her inner dried-up patrician


Donald Rumsfeld (seen here relaxing in a dark room) thinks the whole thing is silly and refused to wear his Vlad the Impaler outfit


Dick Cheney Takes One For the Team

In addition to announcing the "Scare America First" campaign, Press Secretary Tony Snow mumbled something about President George W. Bush not being able to attend as "...he is once again AWOL and presumed to be off somewhere snorting cocaine and drinking alcohol in intemperate quantities." The news about the President was described by one White House Staff Member (who asked not to be unmasked) as the Administration's way of "...reaching out to its base."

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New White House Stationery image by artist Mike Hoffman from here.

Alberto Gonzalez's mask from here.

Tony Snow's Ari Fleischer mask was made from the flesh and hair of Ari Fleischer.

Dick Cheney image from here.

Margaret Thatcher mask was found in a refuse bin in Hyde Park.

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Crossposted at Correntewire.

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