Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Thursday, May 18, 2006

God's Checklist

(Date and times have been removed)

1. Knock over hot cup of coffee, Running Springs, California. Knock it toward the window but don't splash French doors.

2. Flick four pound mass of blue ice off of the under carriage of a 737 headed east out of LAX. Keep integrity of pack until it crushes Norma Pederson of 1524 New Albion Drive in New Dutchem, Kansas.

3. Make ginormous hairy galactic storm, send it to Io. Note: TiVo storm for Saturday night when mom comes over.

4. Give Timothy Brackdensen of Wandering Pig, Oklahoma a walloping headache. He bugs me. Follow up headache with grand mal seizure. Last add: Have his dog piss in his bed.

5. Make sure people in the Pacific Northwest who drown as a result of the Tsunami actually die. Don't start messing around with 'miracle floaters'--see Joe in Legal for any questions.

6. Check to-do list for non-specific disasters. Improvise?

7. 0600 Tee Time at Deity Golf Tournament. Smack the earth with new Titanium Shaft Driver. Don't forget to mark it!

8. Give self oral pleasure (this really freaks out the fundies).

9. Go back in time and put Jesus' bones with dinosaurs. That'll confuse them!

10. Lunch with Charles Darwin. Knock over his coffee. (see #1.)


Image of wave from here.



At 7:21 PM, Blogger Lew Scannon said...

What? No phone call to Pat Robertson? Doesn't God always have time for Pat?


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