Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Voices Inside the Head of President Bush Are Caucasian, Press Secretary Reassures Base


Artist's rendition of one of the voices echoing endlessly in the folds of George Bush's brain.

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(Jivester News, Lmtd.) Scott McClellan told White House reporters today that the voices President George W. Bush hears in his head are "...most assuredly Caucasian in nature. We are very certain about that. Good, strong conservative Caucasian voices." Helen Thomas, who just plain refuses to die, asked McClellan if the voices in the President's head were involved in any of the Plamegate leaks that have plagued the White House, and then asked a follow-up question about whether any of the voices would be pardoned if they had indeed participated in the leak case.

McClellan, looking visibly pointless, interrupted Thomas, causing a mild backlash in the press room:

Thomas: ...and if they had participated...

McClellan: You're a very old person who wants our troops to die.

Thomas: (inaudible)

McClellan: And to question the whiteness of the voices...

(general uproar)

McClellan: ... is tantamount to killing Christian babies by smashing their heads with hardback copies of the Koran.

(stunned silence, then "fuck you, asshole" and "eat me" from the assembled reporters)

McClellan: And I'd appreciate it if you guys wouldn't go digging around in the White House basement. Those bodies, the bodies that are there, were probably put there by Clinton and his predator bride (sic) even, and I do mean even, if they look pretty fresh.


Dr. Lawrence D. Tabernacle of the Southern Christian Effigy Commission on Race Baiting said, "It's a tempest in a brain stem, if you ask me. The President is very comfortable with people of color, but not in his head, which is already rather busy with an assortment of characters, voices and sound effects." When asked what he was talking about, especially the part about the "sound effects," Dr. Tabernacle made a "yummy" sound and began licking his fingers. Seriously, he just started licking his fingers, as if that was some sort of an answer. Talk about losing cred, eh Dr.?

Recordings of the voices that are in Bush's head will be made available to donors who contribute "mightily" to the Keep Bush From Completely Losing It In a Way That His Fundie Supporters Might Actually Notice Fund. Interested donors are asked to go see Ken Mehlman and make a kissy face. He'll understand. He might not get it right away, not at first, but he will eventually understand. He always has.

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John Wayne Gacy artwork image from here. But be careful if you go there. Just saying.

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