I had C-SPAN 2 on the TV today
Listening to crackers all crack away
Talkin’ about some complicated immigration bill
I wish they’d shut the fuck up and go take a pill
One fella from Alabama, and two from Tennessee
Another from Texas, the land of stupidity
Before you get your panties tied up in a bunch
Try and lose that accent before I lose my lunch
(chorus)
I have had it
With southern twang
It has lost its charm
And lost its bang
So if these crackers
Would take a class
They would stop getting on my nerves
And giving me gas
The last great accent from the white man’s south
Belonged to Shelby Foote, from Shelby’s mouth
But for the rest of you, I’m here to say
You sound like ignorant motherfuckers in every way
Now, just for fairness sake, and fairness fun
Let’s have a day wherein everyone
Talks like a southern fool with a southern accent
Get yourself to hollerin’, then go get bent
(chorus)
I have had it
With southern twang
It has lost its charm
And lost its bang
So if these crackers
Would take a class
They would stop getting on my nerves
And giving me gas
Don’t take it personal, that would be wrong
These are just lyrics to a lyrical song
Just run along, now, and go and get
Yourself an accent that ain’t so thick
Perhaps Canadian, Mandarin or Greek
A bit of the British, upper class or cockneek
You might consider Australian, mate
Because the accent you have now is starting to grate
(chorus)
I have had it
With southern twang
It has lost its charm
And lost its bang
So if these crackers
Would take a class
They would stop getting on my nerves
And giving me gas
I had C-SPAN 2 on the TV today
Listening to crackers all crack away
Talkin’ about some complicated immigration bill
I wish they’d shut the fuck up and go take a pill
One fella from Alabama, and two from Tennessee
Another from Texas, the land of stupidity
Before you get your panties tied up in a bunch
Try and lose that accent before I lose my lunch
(chorus)
I have had it
With southern twang
It has lost its charm
And lost its bang
So if these crackers
Would take a class
They would stop getting on my nerves
And giving me gas
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*This post is just plain mean but in no way, shape or form is meant to denigrate the spry and colorful idiomatic speech patterns of those raised in the southern United States, or in Bakersfield, for that matter. And please do not tell Anttichrist S. Coulter how or where to find me.
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Comments
A Texan accent is antiintellectualism distilled.
All I was seeing yesterday were wealthy white men telling each other why gun companies need protection but our ports don't, and all delivered with their own precious variations on Southern accents. It is a very good thing that I am not a Senator (as most folks would assuredly agree) as I would bring to the floor a motion to shut up every single cracker in both houses of Congress and make them use a Stehphen Hawking style speaking box.
As for Foghorn Leghorn, I used his image just because I love that character. He can speak as he wishes and I will never suggest otherwise.
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Thanks for the fun, honey child. :)
Next stop: New Zealand.
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And secondly, you seem to forget that I already HAVE your HOME ADDRESS!!!!!!
Heh heh heh heh heh heh...
TWO "N"s, ONE "T"!!!!!!
Sheesh.
And hell yes, I write with an accent --- so did Eudora Welty and Kate Chopin, dammit!
After all, Neil Simon always said, "Write what you KNOW."
So despite 7 fucked-up years in professional radio, my accent has come back with a VENGEANCE. I try to sound as erudite as possible, but yeah, when I get hot, honey, I get all KINDS of country on somebody's ass!
Although, in person, in voice, I tend to get really clipped & yankee-sounding right before I REALLY go off.
Reminds me of the time that The (ex) Boy hit the play button on my answering machine, and a message from my Nannie (grandmother) came out, and he turns and looks at me with the most quizzical expression humanly possible and asks,
"Why is there a 90-year-old black woman on your answering machine??"
(He was a redneck from BUFFALO, so he didn't know that almost all Southerners have accents, not just the hayseeds or the black folks! Of course, he also still didn't know, after living in New Orleans for 6 years, that every neighborhood has a DIFFERENT accent!)
And I fell out laughing and told him, "That's an 83-year-old WHITE woman, but I'm sure that she'll crack up when I tell her what you said!"
Nothing more dangerous in this world, as Dumbya has proven, as white trash with money.
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Don't leave a door open and then expect me to not run through it, screaming and carrying torches...
Other than 25 days of 101+ degree weather and guys in mesh trucking hats that speak with the colorful vernacular "ain"t" so much that I find myself doing it (and I find that half my brain kinda likes saying it) and the fact that it was the last place in California you could afford to buy a house in until all the Angelenos showed up - but then ran back after a few days into the aforementioned heat wave...
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I would disagree that other Southern accents sound "crass" because there's a class difference. Some are just music to the ears. Especially in Mississippi where it flows smooth as molasses. People in Charleston and Savannah sound very refined. The upper crust Southern cities were Richmond, Charleston, and Savannah after all. The only areas where the southern accents sound bad are Alabama.
Go back to picking cotton....nigger.