Mortaljive: The Rest is Silence

There is no still point in all the Universe, and that is the rock upon which I stand

Monday, September 29, 2008

They All Laughed



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Crossposted at Jesus' General.

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In Which God Answers Your Questions



...or at least did, for a time.

Tat tvam asi!

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Song For Bob Dylan

I Should Be Standing Next To You

i ride the plane of angels from the city way down south
i sing to the clouds from the silence of my mouth
i conjure up a river that rolls out to the sea
i cannot see the end of it but i know that it rolls free

we left the clouds in heaven and came into the earth
she caught us in her arms and gave to us our birth
when i left the plane i looked up for the sun
welcome to the atmosphere of the eternal one

the crowds are just like history, a mix of fiction and facts
looking for bags to carry before the final act
i waited at the carousel, thought i heard a calliope
i looked across the universe, she was looking back at me

oh, why the god and goddess
why the split in two
why am i standing here
i should be standing next to you

i ride the plane of angels from the city way down south
i sing to the clouds from the silence of my mouth
i conjure up a river that rolls out to the sea
i cannot see the end of it but i know that it rolls free

she stands inside an hour glass, somewhere in time
if i look at her much longer i will surely lose my mind
her beauty looks like sadness, alone and serene
she looks up at me and puts me in the dream

outside the world is colder and hotter than hell
the racket and the thunder and the ringing of the bells
i left behind the siren, i left her mystery
she is standing outside heaven, standing there with me

oh, why the god and goddess
why the split in two
why am i standing here
i should be standing next to you

i ride the plane of angels from the city way down south
i sing to the clouds from the silence of my mouth
i conjure up a river that rolls out to the sea
i cannot see the end of it but i know that it rolls free

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Heritage Loaf



I hadn't seen this Heritage Loaf skit in years...seriously, since the early 70's.

For some reason, Sarah Palin's answer to a question about the proposed taxpayer-funded bailout of large financial institutions made me think of the Heritage Loaf video.

Below is the YouTube of Sarah being interviewed by Katie Couric. CNN's house curmudgeon Jack Cafferty is seen supplying a dollop of easy lube reality to Palin's Heritage Loaf blah-blah-blah gonzo blather. Don't miss Wolf Blitzer as he tries to spin the VP candidate's (aka "Miss Deer in the Headlights") response. Her performance reminded me of the Heritage Loaf skit for reasons I will never fully understand:



Coffee or just straight morphine? Anyone?

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Date Rape From the Head of State

Leader of the Leveraged World, George W. Bush, and Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson have agreed to a plan to rescue failing speculative Wall Street banking institutions by pouring Rohypnol into the nation's collective cocktail. "By getting her loopy and loose, we should be able to do the job we need to do," said former cheerleader and current monkey impressionist Bush to a collection of garden gnomes located near the White House lawn.

Paulson, a white man who plays with money, seconded Bush's comments by adding, "With enough lubricant we can put anything into anything, subsequently pull that initial anything out, then put it back in again into that other anything." When asked just what it was he was driving at, Paulson responded by grinding his hips in a rhythmic motion while moaning softly. When the plan would be implemented remains unclear, though Bush did audibly whisper "...look at her...it's nasty time, boys and girls...

The entire nation swears it only had a couple kamikazes and barely half of its Long Island Iced Tea, and maybe a couple sips of its girlfriend's mojitos--oh, yeah, of course, a few jello shooters. Asked if it remembered being violated, the Nation pointed to a stain on its shirt and exclaimed "I do not swallow strangers!"

Bush and Paulson were last seen leaving the party in a buddy's BMW, carrying a sack filled with $700,000,000,000.00 They were reported to have muttered "...wait for the YouTube..."

You read it here first.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Griftkado

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Act IV, Scene V: the Lord High Monetary Chancellor, having asked the assembled for seven hundred and fifty billion dollars of the people's money to save the day for a very select few, faces the Monkeys of the High Court in a mock hearing, meant to buy time while a more clever plan is hatched off-stage.


Lord High Monetary Chancellor

It seems there’s been a huff and puff
About the way I strut my stuff
And just so everything is clear
I’ve come to answer questions dear

1st Monkey of the High Court

Your grace, your lord, high governor
The people are a bit perturbed
They say you want to take their gold
And give it to your friends of old

Lord High Monetary Chancellor

What is the question? Ask it, sir
Refute it not, I can concur
If you aren’t absolutely clear:
Just what is your question here?

1st Monkey of the High Court

Forgive me Lord, I practice tact
And sometimes I occlude the facts
But did I get it from you right
You want the cash sans oversight?

All Monkeys of the High Court

You want the cash sans oversight?
Are we just monkeys in the night?
You want it all, and in a flash?
Sans oversight you’d take the cash?

Lord High Monetary Chancellor

Oh, please, you focus on minutia
Those silly facts will soon seduce ‘ya
I know the truth is very sumptuous
But oversight is most presumptuous

2nd Monkey of the High Court

Dear Lord, please help us understand
You want the largest helping hand
For those who got us in this mess
To bail them out is large largesse

Lord High Monetary Chancellor & All Monkeys of the High Court

The economy must now be saved
For those of us who dug the grave
For lobbyists who feed on meat
For men in suits who cruise Wall Street
The tide that rises lifts all boats
Can you believe the shit that floats?
We must assuage the dragon in its lair
For this we sacrifice taxpayers!

3rd Monkey of the High Court

If it please your majesty
How shall I face my constituency?
Will they get a fair return?
Or will they once again be burned?

Lord High Monetary Chancellor

The taxpayers are a noble race
And we exist at their good grace
We, in sackcloth and ashes, hat in hand
Must make them all to understand
The need for cash is quite acute
It puts the gold in golden parachutes
So face the voters and stall with brio
While the rest of us fly down to Rio

ALL

The economy must now be saved
For those of us who dug the grave
For lobbyists who feed on meat
For men in suits who cruise Wall Street
The tide that rises lifts all boats
Can you believe the shit that floats?
We must assuage the dragon in its lair
For this we sacrifice taxpayers!


(All exeunt.)

End of Act IV

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Cross posted at Jesus' General.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Stay Classy, San Onofre

As a former Orange Countian, I am interested in the ongoing battle to keep a stretch of coastline from being paved by the humanoids.

Once it's gone, it will be really hard to get it back.

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Wall Street Just Wants Your Money, Thank You



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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Jesus Sings the Blues



somebody help me
somebody set me free
i'm stuck here forever
on the family tree
they nailed me to it
and then i died
then i rose to heaven
formerly crucified
but heaven's elusive
i found this so
been flying for two thousand years
still got a ways to go
my body is frozen
in time and in space
i'm looking for my daddy
so i can punch his face
yeah, so i can punch his face

momma was a virgin
poppa was a god
he liked them jewish girls
he liked their bods
he said, oh, pretty baby
lay down in bed
i will whisper sweet nothings
right into your head
don't be scared, little baby
relax tonight
i'll take care of you, honey
i'll do what's right
and then pretty momma
she sighed and moaned
someone cried 'dear jesus:
time to come home'
come home, baby jesus
come and join the choir
sing up to heaven
let's all get higher
but heaven's elusive
i found this so
been flying for two thousand years
still got a ways to go
my body is frozen
in time and in space
i'm looking for my daddy
so i can punch his face
yeah, so i can punch his face

i went to the desert
and faced my fear
i dig the desert
everything so clear
it came in an instant
it came in a flash
i will not be tempted
don't want your cash
i saw all the ages
of mice and of men
you come in with nothin'
then you go out again
what is there to hold onto?
what is there to possess?
from nothin' comes nothin'
nothin' to confess
i was supposed to save mankind
from their creator
who was my father
this makes good theater
i know it's confusing
that it makes no sense
scare all the people
make them all tense
my body is frozen
in time and in space
i'm looking for my daddy
so i can punch his face
yeah, so i can punch his face

he ought to feel pain once
which is where i came in
he had all these rules
he created sin
but he couldn't connect up
he could not relate
he was an angry god
filled with rage and hate
he said he loved the people
but he was full of shit
he'd burn you in a second
throw you in a pit
so why make a child
half god, half man?
what does it matter
to that big old god man?
well, i guess it don't matter
a god cannot fail
he put me in judea
they put in the nails
so why kill a god
who won't really die
to replenish the crops
to make the girls cry
to replenish the crops
to make the girls cry
my body is frozen
in time and in space
i'm looking for my daddy
so i can punch his face
yeah, so i can punch his face

somebody help me
somebody set me free
i'm stuck here forever
on the family tree
they nailed me to it
and then i died
then i rose to heaven
formerly crucified
but heaven's elusive
i found this so
been flying for two thousand years
still got a ways to go
my body is frozen
in time and in space
i'm looking for my daddy
so i can punch his face
yeah, so i can punch his face

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Friday, September 19, 2008

Sarah Palin Vacation Getaway!



This piece is just a few helpless wolves away from being perfect!

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Like the Good Old Days of Agnew & Nixon



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Open Letter to Anyone Who Cares

(Author's note: this is mostly to "Values Voters" who don't read this sort of thing anyway...)

Many "values voters" have voted into office representatives, senators (and a president) who have weakened oversight of our banking industry, and told us to just sit back and "let the invisible hand of the free market do its thing." Today, many banking corporations are holding out their hats for federal aid while home owners struggle to just keep food on the table and a roof over their heads, and partly to blame are a voting public that gets distracted by fear tactics while their wallets are being picked clean by the fat cats. Some libertarians will even tell you that "if only it was a truly free market these things would not happen" which is like saying "if we get rid of humans the economy will run fine." Please: wherever humans get together groups will form and governments will be required, to serve either the interests of the many or the few. Take your pick.

While Karl Rove and his ilk have Americans agitated about homosexuality and contraception, the nation has been gutted by the "cut taxes on the wealthy" crowd. Our infrastructure (roads, bridges, highways, etc.) is not immune to the ravages of time, and will require great investment: the venture capitalists will warn of "socialism" while giving themselves golden parachutes as workers struggle to find affordable health care. You've been had, time and time again!

I have a very large gripe that you can just delete but it goes like this: to make mistakes is understandable, but to keep making the same mistakes is mindless. The next time some politician starts ranting about gay Americans or women who are foolish enough to think they should have sovereignty over their own bodies remember to clutch your purse or hold your wallet very, very tightly. Don't be fooled again!

Magicians utilize the human tendency to become distracted by use of misdirection: look over here! followed by the payoff of the trick. Since such acts of prestidigitation are intended merely to amuse we applaud the charade, but there are some sinister magicians out there who are making a whole lot of the people's money vanish, and we'd be awfully damn foolish to start clapping, yes?

If anyone wants to pray for our nation, say a little thank you to the ghost of FDR: had Bush (and many other conservative politicians) succeeded in privatizing Social Security millions of elderly Americans would right now be up a very mean creek without a paddle or a canoe.

Thank you for letting me rant...



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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

God Strangely Silent On Fiduciary Matters

The Western monotheistic construct "God" has mysteriously and consistently remained mum on issues relating to economics, or at least that is the consensus of amateur theologians at my corner bar. Ed Rockingtoad, a former iron worker and polecat therapist who hardly ever (once in two years) buys anyone a drink, suggested during an ad hoc seminar (held at the end of the bar that gets the fresher pretzels) that the Lord just doesn't want to go there. Said Ed:
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away but He has no use for our stuff, so, eh, after He taketh it away He gives it to really wealthy people. And they invest it! And then it's gone again! A miracle!
Earlene Effington, a retired school teacher, had this to say about Wall Street and the latest fiascos that threaten to precipitate a worldwide Depression:
Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple! So now, when you go to church, you have to bring change, even though there is change in the offering plate. You're not supposed to make change or Jesus will punch you. You think that's funny? You think that's funny? Assholes...
God has previously weighed in on the righteousness of engaging in wars against brown people, gays contributing to storms in the Gulf of Mexico, Little Timmy at last getting a base hit in T-ball and the importance of not eating shellfish. God refused all requests for an interview for this story, and then made Earlene vomit on the Pac Man machine (again!)

Other analysts at my local bar were watching Judge Judy with a lurid intensity and declined to comment on this story. But regarding what is happening on Wall Street and across the financial globe: many of you with pensions and mutual funds are really, really fucked. And everybody else is pretty much fucked as well, except billionaires who have no souls and therefore cannot be intimidated by Bronze Age deities.

All for now!

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

More Fun With the GOP Economy



SeattleDan posted a version of Brother, Can You Spare a Dime over at Jackson Street Books and it brought back memories of playing Bing Crosby's 1931 version for some of my customers back in my bartending days.

Yet I play Mr. Waits: I love Tom the way I love cranky street preachers who spill fractured memories into little tin cups...

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Igpay Atinlay Eakingspay Inay Onguestay



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John McCain: "The Fundamentals of Our Economy Are Strong!"



Yay! Our economy is got good bones!

And that hamster sure is cute. Well, all for now! Go America!

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UPDATE (From the front page of the Los Angeles Times website--boldface by this site's jivester):

Market turmoil follows Wall St. shakeup
By Tom Petruno and Martin Zimmerman | 11:34 a.m.
Stocks suffer steep but orderly decline as investors absorb the Lehman bankruptcy and the forced sale of Merrill Lynch to Bank of America.

"Stocks suffer steep but orderly decline..."

Let's try a handy euphemism, shall we?

"The shit hit the fan in a well-defined pattern."

John McCain: 10% Different From Bush! Now With Rapture Ready Agitation™!

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Lady Speed Stick



No comment.

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Friday, September 12, 2008

Imprecatory Prayer of the Northern Wolves

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Sky Goddess
Earth Father
Snow Mother
River Daughter
Cave Son
All

when the hunters flew in the sky
and killed our brothers and sisters
we tried to run but could not escape
the long guns, the hard bullets
they come at us so fast

the land is our home
the air is our spirit
the prey is our food
the world is our life

when we are gone our children cry
when we howl we are alone
when the sun rises
it rises without us

Sky Goddess
Earth Father
Snow Mother
River Daughter
Cave Son
All

hear this and know:
we are evolving in a dream
we are walking in the hunter's night
we smell their blood money
we mark their minds
we are running in their shadows
we are the endless pack in the forest
this night the hunters sleep is fitful
this night we arrive in a different world
and take them apart
and break their skin
and turn their arms into branches
and turn their eyes into birds
and set their jaws agape
we are standing as sentries among the killers
this night we howl in their lives
this night will be all nights
and the killers will know us and fear sleep
and the killers will know us and fear sleep

Sky Goddess
Earth Father
Snow Mother
River Daughter
Cave Son
All

when the moon is full
look for us beyond the hills
we are running
we are the hunters once more

Sky Goddess
Earth Father
Snow Mother
River Daughter
Cave Son
All


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Thursday, September 11, 2008

when i hear the angels i don't hear his voice

i heard a man lament in the street
about all the times he had to retreat
it was better, he said, when he died in the flames
it was better to die in the game

i heard another cry in the dark
a voice that was fractured, cracking and stark
please help me, father, for much trouble i'm in
tell me once more of the sorrows of sin

tell me i'm nothing if you don't agree
tell me i'll burn in eternity
tell me that god gave us a choice
when i hear the angels i don't hear his voice


i saw a child broken in two
a little doll shattered, tatters of blue
she couldn't hear music, she couldn't lay blame
a child forever without any name

it hurts, said the prophet, it hurts said the sky
life as it is so often denied
what do we see when the bombs do their work
smoke in the ruins or grand fireworks?

tell me i'm nothing if you don't agree
tell me i'll burn in eternity
tell me that god gave us a choice
when i hear the angels i don't hear his voice


come to me darling, come to me near
hold onto my hand and let go your fear
we are the witness, we are the ones
let us be love in the light of the sun

i heard another cry in the dark
a voice was all fractured, cracking and stark
please help me, father, for much trouble i'm in
tell me once more of the sorrows of sin

tell me i'm nothing if you don't agree
tell me i'll burn in eternity
tell me that god gave us a choice
when i hear the angels i don't hear his voice


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Sarah Palin Did Not Pee On His Sandwich


Sarah Palin, seen above during the RNC VP selection period, has much to offer America, in terms of her body motion and finger dexterity.

Fun Fact: Sarah gave birth during the shooting of the video to a baby fathered by a moose!

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hollywood Theater

Hollywood Theater, Portland, OR #1 Pictures, Images and Photos

Hollywood Theater, Portland, OR #2 Pictures, Images and Photos

Located on Sandy Blvd., this beautiful theater has caught my eye and part of my lips. I might even see a movie there some day. It could happen.

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GOP Nails Down Rapist Vote

A few years back it was Soccer Moms who the media decided would ultimately select the winner in our National Election. Four years ago NASCAR Dads were all the rage. Now, heading into the November 2008 Presidential Election, the highly coveted Rapists Who Want the Government To Force Women to Carry Their Criminal Seed to Full Term (RWWGFWCTCSFT) vote is securely in the pocket of the Republican Party.

Remember kids: Vote Rapist! Vote McCain/Palin!

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Monday, September 08, 2008

Secret Battle Plan From Republican Playbook Revealed


The Global War On Community Organizers Begins At Home!


Taking a page from American history, the Republican Party has leaked its plans to defeat their dreaded enemy: Community Organizers. Using tactics perfected during the War of Secession, the Grand Old Party hopes to not only defeat Community Organizers but also move on to its ultimate target: everyone who makes less than $250,000 per year. It will be a hard battle, but one that they will not miss watching from a safe distance, preferably on a wide screen TV.

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Image from here. Additional graphic editing provided by Barry Shapiro. Original idea by mjs.

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Cross posted at Jesus' General.

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Saturday, September 06, 2008

Patriotic Thought For The Day

This...



is nothing without this:



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Friday, September 05, 2008

GOP Not Crazy: They're Insane

Lord knows, they are as whacky as the day is long.

Yeah, I said it.

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Thursday, September 04, 2008

A River Runs Through Magritte



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Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Tell Us What You Really Think



Well, as long as you tell somebody...

Via someone at this place who saw it at this guy's place.

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Monday, September 01, 2008

We Are Swerving Wildly Toward the Edge



Stream of Consciousness: Man, it's like deja vu doo. I am so ready to crank an air guitar...better hold it...mom said some of the dead negroes could crawl into my dreams...that sucks, big time. I think her head is like a monument. Help me. Hurricane Gustav...what is that? Belgium-ese? French Quarter mullato? Hey, I remember New Orleans! It's like next to Main Street, just over from that new Indiana Jones ride! Wait...the dead people don't make minimum wage, do they? That would be so wrong...

Can't wait for the World Series!


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